@tantricHAMtrick's timeline on Twitter
Tweets
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Insanity and horniness really bring out my eyes.
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whatever it is you're going through, i hope you fit.
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I do yoga like I do most everything: lying in bed, thinking about it in abstract
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Turn it on and set it to vibrate.
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I tried to force a tweet and sharted :/
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You know how you connect shit, cop style, with red string? I do that.
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Now what do we talk about? I call dragons.
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Being a grown up sucks pig butt. Good talk.
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If I were a turtle where would I be....
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Do anything for love? I’d do anything for a life size snow man made of mashed potatoes that ejaculates gravy.
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Try 2 explain Twitter 2 friend. Fact I am followed by horse, 3 dogs, cat, brown paper bag and a vegetable I don't recognise, doesn't help.
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Twitter is like Ikea. You know how you got into it, but have no idea how you're going to get out.
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So it's agreed then. Static electricity is def the conduit to telepathy. Har har har. That's a good one, Kenny. Fucking spaz.
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I unfollowed you because you're kind of a meanie and now I feel bad because maybe something bad happened to you and you just need some love.
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In my other world I totally understand what you just said.
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A koalacorn would be magical, all majestic eating eucalyptus and shit
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No YOU just called the husbands cell phone to tell him he forgot his cell phone... And answered it when it rang :/
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My martial arts style: I say a clever one-liner after every punch like they do in the action movies... I get beat up a lot.
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Stick a tongue in it cuz yeeeaah... ohfuckyeeeaah! It'll never be done.
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If it isn't broken, leave it alone...said by no app developer ever.
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All together and by the numbers. 1-click on a tweet. 2-click on Favorite. 3-click on Retweet, click Retweet. Very good. Now again 1-click...
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Half the bad decisions I make are just because I’m hungry, but the rest are simply normal everyday bad decisions.
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I'm glad we're finally turning our clocks forward. Seems that these dials have been facing the walls for like FOREVER!
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If you can't eat it or play with it.. then just pee on it.. & walk away.
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How people treat you is their karma, how you react is yours ~ Wayne Dyer♥
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Told the wife I'm gonna find some new pussy.She told me if I had 2 more inches of dick I WOULD find some new pussy. LOLJK! Wife&I don't talk
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The only thing I'm hopin for this evening is to fall naked into bed and find you naked under me, stabby side up. That's it.
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If there were unicorns there would most likely be a video of some sick bitch sucking the poor thing off. If they paid me enough.
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My weddin day'll be a clambake n sausagefest tweet-up. And y'all will be flown in from hell to taste the rainbow. A girl can dream, right?
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Yeah, but do you German Porn love me?
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What's worse than a woman that says "Fine" when she's not? A woman who tells you exactly what's wrong...and it's you. We're that kinda fun
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i'm bored wonder what's new in the world? *googles blowjob*
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Just had the best sex I've had in over 2 years! But I am probably gonna have to throw my big ladel away now.
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Be who you are & say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter & those who matter don't mind ~Theodore Seuss Giesel,♥
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~"Be bold. If you're going to make an error, make a doozey, and don't be afraid to hit the ball." ~ Billie Jean King
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Completed church training. Went through initiation rites. Baptism of jism surprised me. Not sure if I'm a deacon now or an elder.
#ftwot -
~ You're not obligated to win. You're obligated to keep trying to do the best you can every day. - Marian Wright Edelman ♥
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I would wrap my legs around your face, but I don't want to seem clingy.
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Started Twit as a prayer journal then fell in love and had sex on the kitchen floor. Well played Satan. Well played.
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Defend you? Pfft. Not if it'll cost me my Favstar status.
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I'll probably get healthy and go vegan soon, but I will always love a good sausage fest.
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Got high & imagined a cartoon about a turtle with low self esteem who dressed up as a frog to be cool, but couldn't hop & learned a lesson.
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This conference call smells like confusion and fear
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"Old Bikini Bottom. I tapped that." ~Andrew Squaredice Claypants
#ftwot -
Please tell me that I'm not the only one who won't deactivate my twitter because I'm not sure if twitter is moody, or if it's me.
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If I fart in a tanning booth I can't hear it because of the fan... But the rest of the salon can :/ Now I know.
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Cynicism is alright, but when you're so viciously bitter you rip others for their accomplishments , take a step back and look at your life..
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Not only is analogy not the study of brain farts, it isn't an obsessive-compulsive, disorderly Original Gangsta from Muskogee either.
#tbot -
As my {radio edit} insisted I quit with my Fonda talk (unless it's Bridget), I walked/stumbled upon Golden Pond. Smelled like piss.
#tbot -
She asked if it was time to wake up the sleeping giant. I said yes. HER: "Revolution in mind. Not your {radio edit}." I said yes.
#tbot -
I don't mean to be a turkey like I got in bowling last nite, I told the judge. But, 3 strikes means 3 X's, so.. I've gotTic-Tac-Toe.
#tbot -
What's the cut-off age for kids believing noises coming outta the bedroom are because their mom found religion? Asking for your mom.
#tbot -
I just found out it's all the same toe, & it has nothing to do with the type of cigarette you smoke.
#tbot -
I’ll never forget the night the lights went out in Georgia. That was when I lost both my lanterns. Haven’t seen them, nor her, since.
#tbot -
"Experience is not what happens to a man~ Its what a man does with what happens to him." ~ Aldous Huxley ♥
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Keep in mind the moment you point a camera at me, I become the talent. It’s a crapshoot. That snapshot probably won’t be worth shit.
#tbot -
The dingos ate my baby out.
#tbot -
It's only weird the first time.
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Even I'm getting sick of my shit. Admittedly, I ate too much.
#tbot -
I once knew a man who made a room out of garage doors & showed films of his wife giving him head. It was odd but the films were fairly good.
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i dreamed i smelled really good and everybody was talking about it
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The world is not full of jerks or stupid people. However, they are strategically placed, so that you'll run across one every day.....
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Nope,I'm not married cuz I believe in preventive medicine.I'm not saying that marriage is something not wise. Science call it ignorance risk
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And sex, give that freely too ;-)
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Kindness is free *toss* it all around
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Just misread "hobbies" as "boobies". Who says Twitter has no influence?
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Whenever a hot co-worker or manager is introduced, I always do a "Google" search with the words "nude photos" after her name (just in case).
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It all fun and games till she whispers those three little words first thing in the morning: Where's my teef?
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Slight nipple tshirt pointers, check! Slight camel toe jog pants, Check! slutty sparkling joggers eyes, check! She is off beach running.
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You ever tweet something that sounds pretty okay in your head but it comes out all "I forgot to take my psychotropic meds'' on Twitter?
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Take it out, or zip it up.
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Let me guess, you ain't on it? RT
@realDonaldTrump: The Time Magazine list of the 100 Most Influential People is a joke and stunt... -
penises from heaven is the way horny angels say hello.
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Guys. I got the shit to make friendship bracelets. You in?
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she twiddled her thumbs she cavorted with bums she thought thoughts undone she talked to shadow beings in tongues waiting on things to come
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You guys need to stop pretending dave matthews is good. We've let him believe it for long enough.
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I dont do alot of tweets because I dont know the names of alot of things
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I've been feeling like someone was watching me sleep the last couple of nights. I think I just figured… http://instagram.com/p/YeD8D1vc-1/
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Duck. Duck. GOOSE! *runs around courtroom not believing only the bailiff wants to play*
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I'm not last call-last chick in the bar pretty but meh, I do alright ..!..
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It’s a boob, not a clown horn…amateur.
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At 43yrs old, blasting "Mobb Deep Shook ones part 2" at 7am.. Letting my parents know shit is about to get "ugly" if I can't use the car.
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mostly I'm going back to realizing each person is doing the best they can. it feels so much better than being cynical and judging harshly.
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It's better if they believe you're a total dumb ass because when they find out that you're not, you redeem yourself. We all need redemption.
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I’m not sendin'sub tweets.I’m a misunderstood person,like Donald Trump.....The man just tryin'to fix a rockabilly haircut with the wrong way
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Life Tip: Don't favor or retweet anything that comes from this or any other repressed or depressing Twitter account.
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Even if you're the only one who laughs at it Twitter = drunk stupid ass fun.
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Long Life, Happiness & Prosperity should be wished to people's sex life.
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I'm gonna go to twitter. It will make me feel better.
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~Weakness of attitude becomes weakness of character. Albert Einstein ♥
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There are those who mock your stupidity, and those who gladly help you learn. Hats off to the kind ones!
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I don't wanna be TOO famous. Just famous enough that people start incorrectly crediting things I say to Mark Twain.
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Pay no attention here. It's just us chickens.
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You are as beautiful as you make others feel.
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I swear this account was like this when I found it, potential future employers.
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Sorry, no hate here Keep scrolling
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Meh. Do it again. I wasn't watching.
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Yet again, a new Pope has missed the opportunity for 6 billion people to see him do jazz-hands.
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Pretty sure it's my turn to tap out
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roses are red - violets are blue - fuck laundry.
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A one track mind with a two train heart is destined for a derailment. This shit doesn't have to make sense.
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Spring: the time of year where our gloves, I mean, clothes start to come off.
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My sister just told her kids it's time for bed cause the tv is tired
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This guy acts like I'm perfect like I have a sunshine pussy and rainbows shooting out of my tits. He's right.
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Whatever is going to happen will happen, whether we worry or not. - Ana Monnar ♥
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i learned quickly that you say ok when someone asks how you are and not numb
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Hey do psychotic delusional people know they are fucked up in the head or are we supposed to retweet them?
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Can't decide if I should do some quickie cards with a bunch of room keys and stickers or just write my resume on their boobs with a sharpie.
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Spent most of the weekend mastering naked crab walking so I can start a new life as a Unicorn.
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..wouldn't you know it, all but one of my tweets this morning were in Ninja mode. I'll try to retweet later..
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Just say NO to favstar.
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I can't be the only one who says "your hair is everywhere" and follows with "screaming infidelities and taking its wear" every single time
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Sometimes even being soul mates doesn't mean that you should mate...or some deep shit, whatever.
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Yes, by all means, tell me how to buy followers. I'm sure it's a sound investment.
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Gotta smoke up and get into scooping horse poop frame of mind.
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I could delete a lot of these but then the reader wins.
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I'm just one more bad decision away from my own reality show.
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lincoln log cannons
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I'd totally stock my bathrooms with 2-ply toilet paper for most of you.
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whoever invented headphones needs to get up and go stand in front of my kid to tell her i want to have a word with her
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Hop into my Prius girl and let's paint the town. Damn I didn't mean literally hop into it, this is a tiny vehicle jesus. Now you broke it.
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I won't write about my 1st swim in the sea for the season as I planned,cause I saw in many regions still snowin'& I don’wanna rain unfollows
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Everyday I like 2learn something. 2day I learn raspberries hav small pips which get stuck between teeth. Not big day in search 4 knowledge.
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I know some things. A few things. A couple. Two. Okay, one. I know one thing. Oh shit...I forgot it.
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Nothing tastes as good as your shut the fuck up feels.
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roll your lunchmeats into little tunnels so i can put my cheeto in there
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Wash this thing away twitter.
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Started a Wednesday night sewing circle called "Where's my knittas at?" It's proven wildly unpopular.
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You gonna need money with that hope.
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'Whiter Shade of Pale' - Annie Lennox: http://youtu.be/CJIVz9nYx7I via
@youtube -
They'll take as much as you'll let them take. There's "fuck off" for everything else.
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Oops, forgot to be a self-centered cunt, and ended up RTing awesome people.
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Why not Atlas *Hugged*? C'mon, Rand!
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if you love someone squeeze them so tight the grocery store manager comes
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Looking for a nice girl who wears funky clothes and can kickflip.
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But if I'd failed in my ambition to conquer strollers in downtown Toronto, I wasn't going to let a baby shielded in plastic drag me down.
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Words are like currency. Value is based on the faith in the issuer.
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I spend all my second chances like the tourists throwing seeds to the pigeons.(for nothing)
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Not everyone shows empathy in an attempt to seek drama. Some people genuinely care. Will you be able to know the difference?
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If I could change one thing about the world it would be this lady's haircut.
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Today, instead of falling asleep in a meeting, I translated the rude version of the "Addams Family" theme to Spanish & made it rhyme.
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Whenever someone here says Twitter isn't "real", we consider the couples, and friendships, forged here; and realize someone is truly lonely.
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All my sappy subtweets are about Batman.
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tire swings but donuts over rivers of milk and sugar *splashin*
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Hey, tweeters with couples' avatars. You're the one on the left, right?
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Angry birds has changed me forever as a person..
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“We accept the love we think we deserve.” ― Stephen Chbosky ♥
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This entire Fall fashion season my dogs have been wearing a custom fit semi-light but durable fur pant suit
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This pot is so freaking killer that I forgot I was here instead of over there.
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I have nothing to do today Twitter. Retweet rampage?
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a baby buggy but for rocks
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Every moment is a good moment to tweet shit.
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Haven't tweeted in so long I think I'm about to take the SATs. The fate of my entire life & all of humanity rests upon this single analogy.
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Thank you to anyone who doesn't start drama or belittle others here. There's enough negativity in this world already.
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The ugliest thing just happened 2me~ I looked in the mirror accidentally. I gave myself a terrible fright~ And with myself got in2 a fight.
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Who wants to come and do this fucking laundry with me? I blow job.
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Join twitter, tweet about your spouse, tweet about your twitter crush, live tweet your melt down, twittercide, come back as a cat.
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I can tell that some of you were that kid that always got his head stuck in the arm hole of his shirt.
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it's almost like the world is trying to piss me off and one creeper is spearheading the whole operation.
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The only thing more contagious than negativity is positivity.
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Pro tip: Don't ask for attention, then get it, then bitch about it.. Good talk
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If we all had someone in our lives to keep telling us, "there's nothing wrong with you," this would probably be a better world.
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I would watch a movie that had Antarctica a whale a cabin and pancakes. Like they just eat pancakes all day then go look for the whale.
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Peggy Hill deserves her ass kicked for even suggesting Hank ride bitch at Sturgis. Yeah I said it ..!..
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People seriously want to make you miserable like them but you have to resist it.
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Listening to someone argue with eBay is almost as effective as my campaign to make revolving doors easier to push.
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There are moments, as us educated alcoholics like to call it, moments of clarity, where we can make things in the world Allright.
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-- Do you love me? Simply choose one word - yes or no. -- Or.
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While we're on the subject what was the subject?
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I want funnier problems.
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You lost me at 'the bible says'.
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For all your solutions I have a problem.
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And he shall always be known as "Bill Murray's brother." - The Bible
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I would much rather a wicked demon in my basement than to constantly be haunted by my past.
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I want to have as much leisure time as someone who leaves Amazon customer ratings.
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Skrillex's real name is Skrillexander.
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Dear Shannen Doherty, How exactly do I earn s Culinary Arts degree online? Sincerely, van
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If you look at gossip mags and know who the people are on the cover, YOU are the problem.
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A healthy twitterer retweets.
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Once I tried to talk to a group of cows but they never answered my questions about climate change and who is Satan.
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If our biggest Twitter downfall is speaking our mind, being too honest and real..well...fuck it. We are who we are, and okay with that fact.
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I've been to a lot of places,met a lot of weird ppl & exposed myself to a lot of girls. I mean, exposed myself to a lot of different ideas.
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It’s easier to love someone you don’t really know because the mind fills blanks with perfections, instead of flaws.
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I have reached gibberish level
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Those hilarious tweets some of you copy from websites are originally from here anyway, so if you need to post that shit take it to Facebook.
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I learned everything I know about women from Star Trek next generation.
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If we don't tweet, how are we sure we exist?
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Zero star tweets for $500, Alex.
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Fucking twitter. Making me laugh out loud in bed in the middle of the night. Fucking twitter.
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"Question 567: Would you describe the ensuing shit tsunami as a) pleasant b) tolerable or c) indescribably cool?"
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My life is just one typo atfer another.
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It wasn't until he saw a boat full of animals that God realized some asshole left the water running.
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Sometimes we must learn to ask for what we need.
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Money can't make you happy. For example, I have $53 in my bank account and I'm still miserable.
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Dear
@BarackObama: I got a great idea. Kick Biden out, appoint me vice president and then resign. I'll take over from there. -
For every Twitter account you have, you lose 100 IQ points.
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Twitter is my treehouse.
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I want to live in the "Hallmark Channel".
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If I ever become disgruntled with my current employer,I'm entitled to 6 servers, 8 routers, all of the copper, & the bipolar admin assistant
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Reincarnating as an unhealthy food item would be my 1st choice because that would mean that I could go on causing problems the way I do now.
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talent overrides pretty heavy and kinda weird looking.
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I'm falling asleep but I won't go to bed. It must have something to do with all of the empty stupidity I tweet that "makes people laugh".
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the weatherman said air is sitting over Canada and rotating o_O
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too many thoughts in the *HeadSpace* = blank
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I want to be the reason you lose your safety deposit.
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attn radio nowhere requesting frogs over
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I know a never ending @ when I see one.
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You can't have sex with things that don't exist. Or can you?
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It's cute how people follow me & after I follow back they unfollow. Firstly, I can count. Secondly, there are apps for that motherfuckers.
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It's better if you block. That way you get your ass out of the list too.
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Good lookings are presumed bitches until proven otherwise.
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money is cool how you can just give somebody this dumb piece of paper and then they'll give you a can of beans
Her Rabbit Aladdin
Wonder Twin
snicky
Kellye
Lilly
WhatserName
Lolly Sassafras
Blakey Pants
Tink
Dolores
FrauFickenDammt
Scott Taylor
Theodora Chester
blunder rated
Mytwoscentz
Desperate Loser
Scarlett Fever
Southern Insomniac
Vandal
Aspersioncast
Don Pearyawn
LoveScopes
The Reverend
Tortured_soul
Cochina
Just Call Me Frank™©
bobby
C C
Terri
miss shushy paws
Madame LaCrooz
Kelly Soloduka
Mitch G
Boiled Wieners
Hushpuppy 5¢
Gigi
System Failure
Kitty Chaos
Jesus Jaramillo
Shimmy
Mediocre Marvel
alex carbajal
not so funny bunny
Anonymous Vagabond
Emily Gray
Romere
indie claws
PAT_E_ROCK
serenebabe
Sly
Gone
paula
Travis LeBlanc
Willowbottom
kam
Kyle *cue doves*
Stingz
direcshun
MF FairyPrincessRach
cynthiazolamOverdose
Nickels
N
Angelia
MissDishonest
freckle face
kelly
Scott Franklin
JimBoy. St. Ratton
Natalie P. McTitties
Muffy
Saga
Neil Brown
JenniferDancingBear
nerdamage
Commandant Grayza
Brent Smith
Saturated Fats
Jo
Paul
Just Lee
Maria Carreon
Evil Schwartzie
Tashamantium
Copulaterman
Smirkin' Wolf
aken yeho
Nico
Katie Kaleidoscope ☮
Chrisanna4real
CatasTrophy
✨Gypsy✨
Bar HoPpInG Bunny
Tanya Johnston
Jimmer Cork-Bottle
Carla Whaat
Not Silvestri
The Amiest Amy
Julie
Vocally Harsh
Queen of the Damned
GuyInOrangeShades™®
NoLuckWanted
Satyriasis is Fun
PrincessCandyEmpire
gordon
Life Sucks
From the desk of ...
Uncle JP the Janitor
Mr. Nova
Rampant Amok Brain
Rainbow Brite
Harbynger
Labels: #ftwot, #gaf, #gsoav, #jsntf, #tbot, tweets, twitter
posted by Taranonymous Reads Not the Book of Tweet @ 9:08 PM
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